{"id":5259,"date":"2011-02-06T08:52:19","date_gmt":"2011-02-06T13:52:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/?p=5259"},"modified":"2011-02-06T08:53:50","modified_gmt":"2011-02-06T13:53:50","slug":"trudging-on","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/?p=5259","title":{"rendered":"Trudging on…"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s hard for me not<\/em> to pretend everything is completely fine.\u00a0 It’s what I do.\u00a0 Put on a smile and everything falls into place.\u00a0 Usually.\u00a0 During the course of events last week, I (for the most part) kept it together.\u00a0 Until I fell apart, that is.\u00a0 On Monday, I decided to spend the day with Mary Clare.\u00a0 I took her to school, explained her health in detail to her teachers and explained her emergency seizure meds.\u00a0 It was a fun day in her little class.\u00a0 When we left at noon, I felt okay with leaving her there in the mornings once again as I went back to work.<\/p>\n

It didn’t take long for reality to set in.\u00a0 On Wednesday, to be exact.\u00a0 I woke up bright and early, jumped into the shower, woke-up McCanless for school and just before we were to walk out of the door ready to begin our day, it started.\u00a0 I cried.\u00a0 I sat on my kitchen floor and I cried and could barely breathe.\u00a0 I called in to work to explain that I was going to be late and I explained to sweet McCanless that Mommy was just sad.\u00a0 I hate this for her.\u00a0 I hate that she is learning so many emotions at such a young age.\u00a0 I don’t want to hide it from her, so I’m forced to explain how scared Mommy is, how seeing my babies hurt makes me cry.\u00a0 She was so kind and showed maturity well beyond her precious seven years. I hope she can forgive me for having to leave her again for the sake of her baby sister.<\/p>\n

I made it to work only to be greeted by many of my dearest friends, other moms who work at THA or just moms hanging out for coffee in the office.\u00a0 The usual AM crew stopping in to gossip or chat.\u00a0 We were all in tears before I threw in the towel and left for the day. (Well, for the hour-I left around 10.)<\/p>\n

I then made a decision.\u00a0 I decided after crying all morning, I was done.\u00a0 I went home, threw on a pair of my favorite jeans and got myself together.\u00a0 I picked up Mary Clare and realized McCanless had her orthodontist appointment at 12!\u00a0 Life was continuing on with or without me.\u00a0 It was a gloriously sunny 70 degree day that I was not about to let go to waste.<\/p>\n

I guess everyone has to learn “new normals” in life.\u00a0 No matter how we go about them, we face them.\u00a0 We can kick and scream and fight it every step of the way or we can embrace it.\u00a0 We can put on a smile and everything will fall into place, however that may be.\u00a0 I may not like it, but life is going on with our without me.<\/p>\n

I don’t turn my head for a second when Mary Clare is in the bath now.\u00a0 I don’t allow her to sit on the edge of the stage at our favorite coffee shop, Midnight Rooster, anymore.\u00a0 I watch exactly what she eats, I notice her body movements.\u00a0 I call out to her every few minutes as she’s playing alone in the playroom.\u00a0 I’m already thinking ahead about her favorite summer pastime, swimming at the pool.<\/p>\n

But this week, I’m not watching Mary Clare’s chest for breaths as often.\u00a0 My heart is not constantly pounding.\u00a0 I’m not reliving her seizure every time my mind wanders. I’m not thinking too far ahead.<\/p>\n

We went to the orthodontist appointment, we all had lunch together, we played in the yard.\u00a0 McCanless had her very first piano lesson on Wednesday afternoon and Mary Clare and I completed her first school project together, her Terrific Kid poster.\u00a0 It wasn’t perfect, but it was so very precious.\u00a0 As is life.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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It’s hard for me not to pretend everything is completely fine.\u00a0 It’s what I do.\u00a0 Put on a smile and everything falls into place.\u00a0 Usually.\u00a0 During the course of events last week, I (for the most part) kept it together.\u00a0 Until I fell apart, that is.\u00a0 On Monday, I decided to spend the day with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5259","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5259","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5259"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5259\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5263,"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5259\/revisions\/5263"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5259"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5259"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.babypennington.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5259"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}