Surprise! He got me…

So, turns out, we weren’t heading to the Florida Keys last Thursday after all.  I honestly didn’t realize where we were headed until we drove up to the Florence airport early Thursday morning.  I read a tweet on my phone from Mel and mentioned to him that he “accidentally” typed in St. Bart’s instead of the Keys.  (I know it sounds crazy, but this is something I KNOW Mel would do, accidentally.)  But he didn’t. When I finally realized he wasn’t joking, I could have kissed him and killed him in the same moment.  We were flying to St. Barthelemy, French West Indes.  That day.

I nearly panicked as the plane took off and I realized that I was leaving Mary Clare not only by three airplane flights, but through customs as well.  Out of the country was not what I bargained for.  It took me one walk along the crystal blue beach merely hours later to realize that Mel and I needed the time away.  Together.  Alone.  I actually enjoyed myself and constantly repeated aloud to myself and Mel, ” If Mary Clare has a seizure, she has a seizure.”  She has had so many since her surgery and she just may have one while I’m not with her. It’s a reality. We’ve lectured our family.  They know the drill.

Mel and I lounged by the beach just beyond our villa gate, practiced French, explored the island we fell in love with on our honeymoon and thoroughly enjoyed each other in way too expensive French restaurants.  St. Barthelemy is truly Paris on a tiny beautiful island.  I was refreshed, rested and slightly sunburned (as opposed to my crispy pink hubby) and ready to see my babies last night.

Upon returning home, we were told that Mary Clare did, in fact, have a seizure  while we were away.  On Friday morning she had a pretty bad seizure, which lasted 7 minutes.  Longer than any previously.  She was given Diastat to stop seizing.  I just knew that after a few weeks with little to no “tics” that we were over the hurdle; her seizures were merely repercussions of a very traumatic open-heart surgery in March that were beginning to fade with healing and time.

I have to listen to that voice inside telling me that she is so happy and healthy for a baby girl with Epilepsy and half a heart.  She will have seizures, just as she will always have a half heart.  It took me nine months of thinking and wondering and questioning to truly accept her HLHS, to embrace her HLHS and it’s still a journey.  It may take me that much longer, but I’m determined to embrace this new part of my spunky, sweet MC.

Mel and I can’t wait to take Mary Clare and McCanless back to St. Barthelemy one day to show them both of where we once discovered each other and found each other again and realized what truly matters is no big surprise.

5 Comments