Just thinking…
I’m utterly humbled by my mailbox. Daily. It’s amazing. I drive up to my house, pulling close to the mailbox, reach in and pull out handfuls of encouragement. I tell myself each time that I MUST get better at sending cards to others. Tears always fill my eyes as I read them and realize that each one is a prayer spoken on my behalf. I’m undeserving, but so very appreciative. I’ve saved each one. I’ve read and re-read each one often. I know this is why I’ve not completely lost it. I’m surrounded by love and believe me, I do “feel the love.”
I do have something that I need to share. It’s like a grain of sand in my shoe. It’s there and I know it. It doesn’t hurt. I could ignore it and actually it could go unspoken of forever and not matter one bit. But it’s driving me crazy enough to want to do something about it. Even in church this morning, I couldn’t bring myself to let it go. It rolled around and around in my head and formed so many thoughts. So, I’ll blog it. Not sure how it may be received, but it’s what’s on my mind at the moment.
Someone once, who had the most sincere intentions, mentioned that, “God only gives you what you can handle.” I completely understand why someone would make such a comment. When life throws a curve ball, and in our case, several curve balls in a row, we have to wonder why. It’s human nature to wonder why. It makes us feel better to know that God is all knowing and He will carry us through this, that He will, in fact, only give you what you can handle because you can handle it. I’m not so sure I agree.
Mel and I both deal with circumstances, not with ease, mind you, but maybe, as others have said, with a certain calmness. I’m not really sure what it is. Like I’ve said before, maybe I’m just too naive or worse, nonchalant– even in circumstances when I shouldn’t be. It may be at times that we are like ducks gliding over the water, paddling like hell under the surface. I think we’ve overcome so much in our lives and have learned how to deal with our curve balls quite well. Only because we’ve had to. We are human, and certainly have our moments, but together, we are a good team. We balance each other. We calm each other. We have learned to move through life, finding the happy and making the most of it, despite the circumstances. We choose to laugh.
I can not believe that God has given me the circumstances that I’ve had to endure. Too often, I believe, we take words from the Bible and twist and rearrange them to fit into our molds. I think we take verses out of context and sticky tape them to our own stories. Maybe to make us feel better or feel smarter.
I have no doubt that God is carrying us. I have no doubt that God knows our plans and has plans for us to prosper. I have felt love and supported my entire life. I know that I’m blessed beyond measure. I also know that God did not give Mary Clare her special heart to prove anything to anyone. I know that God did not give me cancer simply because I can handle it. I know my life story was written before I was born and I know that He knows every word of that story.
I don’t have to understand why and frankly, I don’t want to understand why.
I have a story to tell because of God, not in spite of God and He is the sole reason that I am able to tell it.
13 Comments
Chrissie on August 21st, 2011
Oooh I hate it when people use that phrase…only because I don’t believe it at all! I think God definitely gives us waaaay more than WE could ever handle…I think He does that so we have to totally and 100% trust in Him. If He only gave us what we could handle, then we wouldn’t need Him. But by giving us more, we are forced to be dependent on our faith and trust that God will carry us through. Thus by depending on Him and continuing to be a “light to the world” even in our darkest times, we are being the biggest example to others of His love!!
Misty on August 21st, 2011
Oh my sweet friend. Love, love your blog more than ever. You are an inspiration and it gives me chills the way you can so eloquently put your thoughts into words, I do wish I could do that. My talk is (slightly) better.
I, too, grew up thinking..”God will never give you more than you can handle”. It’s like the quote of the south when you don’t know what else to say. I have said it until about 2 years ago when I realized the truth: Yes, He will give you alot more than you can handle many times in your life, because you (we) cannot handle one thing. If we try on our own, through the advice of others, people’s approval, etc, it will sustain us for the short term, but ONLY He can sustain us forever and He never lets us down. I always reference 1 Corinthians 10:13 which basically says that God will not let us be tempted without a way out. Maybe we have twisted that to fit our “more than you can handle” theory. If we could handle everything ourselves, we would never need God. I agree with you, I am praying for you (along with my church and work and everyone else) and I love you dear friend!
tammy haarlow on August 21st, 2011
Kerri,
As a believer and a religion major, I too am disturbed when people tell me that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle OR any other piece of information that cannot be found in scripture. That phrase is NOT based on His word!!!!! There are passages, however that speak to the fact that the Father equips us with the moxie to endure life’s challenges if we surrender to Him. God’s distribution of an overwhelming amount of hardship is a moot point if we trust Him, because He will equip us with peace and comfort during our battles (Isaiah 40:29-31, Matthew 11:28-30) .
“More than we can handle” is a relative term. Countless biblical “characters” and their ancestors experienced what I would certainly call abundant pain and suffering (at the hands of the Father)for a host of reasons; not all of those reasons were for disobedience. Lazarus perished so that his healing by Jesus would pack a bigger “wallop” among those who did not believe! Moses was not allowed to enter the Promised Land because he didn’t trust (disobedience). Christ died on the cross to glorify the Father (Acts 28:1-10).
Your mention of the Father knowing everything about you even before birth is right on the money (Jeremiah 1:4-5). Eph. 1:11-12 “It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.”
Many scriptures speak to the “why” factor; why does God allow suffering? Does God inflict suffering? Why doesn’t God intervene if He is so powerful? Each question can be answered in His Word. For instance, why did Christ experience an excruciating death on the cross? He died in order to glorify the Father (John 11:4, Acts 28:1-10). Others suffered because of God’s judgement for disobedience (2 Chronicles 21:1-19 & 2 Kings 13:14…………. etc.).
Our mighty, merciful God is still in the business of healing as He did countless times in scripture. He is privvy to the “big picture” and therefore Believers live our lives on His terms, mustering up faith and trust in His promises!!! Here in Albuquerque we are praying for healing, patience, comfort, peace and wisdom for you AND your medical team!
Judy Brown on August 22nd, 2011
Dear Kerri,
Once again, you have nailed it on the head! I agree wholeheartedly with Misty’s comment and her thought that the saying probably arose from the verse in 1 Corinthians 10:13. In a Bible study class that I love being part of, it is often said that the bottom line is faith and trust, faith and trust in God in all things is what is required of us. Btw, you do have such wonderful friends, and I love to read of their faith and their support of you and your family in all your joys and your trials.
In His love,
Judy
Rebecca butcher on August 22nd, 2011
So much truth in your words. I know there are many days that I can’t handle the fact that my baby girl isn’t here with me where I will always firmly believe she should be. God didn’t allow this to happen to make us stronger or because we can handle it…He allows it because He knows it will deepen and strengthen our faith and hope and trust in Him.
Someone mentioned a few weeks ago to me that they were “blessed” with an easy life. I strongly disagree. My pastor said it best when he said that if you have an easy life then you need to examine your faith. As hard as our lives are, I can honestly say that I am blessed…blessed beyond all measure for I have learned far more in oppression than I ever would have had my life been easy.
Thank you for speaking the truth in love…praying always for you and yours, beautiful friend.
Jennifer on August 22nd, 2011
So beautifully written! I agree that God did not cause any of this! He can however use every circumstance to somehow bring glory to him. That’s what that blog just did, Kerri! You so glorified your creator. Praying daily for you all!
KATE on August 22nd, 2011
i love you, kerri!! you are amazing!
Erin on August 23rd, 2011
I have written almost the same kind of post for our caringbridge site, more than once, and someday I still might- because we are told this phrase all the time. I agree completely with you- my feeling has always been that part of our beautiful world and the free will in our lives, and all the other graces God gives, means that there will be bad and imperfect things, some of those bad things will happen to good people, even innocent and young ones like our kids. It’s why the argument “there can’t be a god because a god wouldn’t let this tragedy happen”- does not mean anything to me. I’ve never thought God sent our daughter with an hlhs heart to give me a lesson, or just because I could handle it. Some parents certainly cannot handle it, and don’t. I once had someone tell me that Viv was born with hlhs because I was not faithful enough, and that God wanted to teach me a lesson. That’s not the kind of God that I have or believe in. I believe God cried with me over my daughter’s bedside, that he is with us throughout every step- but that it’s up to me to find the happiness in our life. I read a book called, “Where is God When it Hurts?” while Viv was hospitalized and it was a wonderful book about this topic. Anyhow, I know everyone has different beliefs, but your post completley spoke to me. Very well said.
Rebecca on August 23rd, 2011
I understand this completely. When Alex left for Afghanistan I realized it was pointless to pray that God would be able to protect him from all danger in that place. I started praying that God would give him the courage to walk through the fear I knew he would face. That God would give him the knowledge, strength and wisdom to protect himself in dangerous situations. I knew he had to walk through the fire and experience terrible horrible things, and I couldn’t prevent it or fix it. Coming to grips with that fact was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
Lyn on August 23rd, 2011
Kerri,
Once again your eloquence and perfectly worded thoughts express the feelings of so many people struggling with “Why?” or “Why me?” God’s has bestowed a gift of language to you that has inspired and comforted more people than you can begin to imagine. You and your family are in our prayers.
Terri Woodham on August 27th, 2011
My Love, As you were growing up there were so many, many things of life and the love of God I wanted you to know, but my dear, you have taught me far more than you can imagine. Your strength gives me strength. I love you, MOM
Cathy Flowers (Hill) on August 28th, 2011
I have never really thought about it that way…. but I do feel that God does not give us this “crap”.. only word that comes to mind, but I do think he gives us the strength to wake up each day and enjoy the small things in life and to remind us that nothing is ever promised to us. Not knowing you and just reading your blog I admire your STRENGTH and what a WONDERFUL mom you are…. stay strong and this “crap” will be hard as heck but you seem to be a VERY STORNG person and will inspire others with your story! Dr.Sweatmen is your angel and he is the BEST!!! You are in good hands… FYI.. his nurse is soo sweet…. I would call her if you have a question… she helped me so much! You and your family are in my prayers!
Ashley Howle Denton on August 21st, 2011
Just wanted to let you know that I have a dear friend in Camden that is a breast cancer survivor of 1.5 years. Her name is Karen Farmer and she was only a little over 40 when she was diagnosed. I told her about your case and she said that Dr. Sweatmann is the best. She wanted him to do her surgery but he couldn’t because of scheduling. She wanted me to tell you that you are in the best hands. She too had her case heard by Dr. Sweatmann’s board! Anyway, she said if you needed to talk to someone to pass along her number to you. If you want it, let me know! I’m sure you have heard this from about 1000 other people, but wanted to pass on the info! Again I am amazed by your ability to put all of of your thoughts into words. I only wish I could express myself as eloquently as you do! Praying for y’all!