Chemo Journal- Day 5

September 16-Day 5

I’ve realized a few things today.  Like hair, aches and fatigue, moments in time are temporary.  This morning, as crazy as it sounds, I cried when I shampooed my long hair for the last time.  Then I cried when Mel laughed at me for being melodramatic.

“You’ll still have hair to wash tomorrow.”

He truly wasn’t insensitive.  Like I’ve said before, we make each other laugh.  It’s what we do.  Today, temporarily, I forgot that.  After my hair appointment was all said and done,  and every lady in The Plaza (and Mel) ohh’d and ahh’d over my short new do, I realized it wasn’t such a big deal.  It’s only hair.  And I kinda like it.  Truly, the anticipation of my hair cut was more than the actual cut itself.  It’s not my favorite do, but it will do.  (For a few weeks at least.)  I’ve always wanted to try a short cut.  What an opportunity?  How many people can temporarily try out a new hair style?  Me.  It was more of a rite of passage, anyway.

I have also realized today that no matter what I want my body to do, it will tell me what it needs and follow suit.  I so wanted to have lunch with Mel and spend a bit of time with him today.  We walked into a restaurant and immediately the music was too loud.  I was dizzy.  I was tired.  I was so exhausted at that very moment, I just had to go back to the car.  When he came back with our to-go boxes, I cried.  I didn’t even make it to Target.  Target!  Never have I ever given up such an opportunity.  I so could have milked it with Mel.  Poor pitiful me, having to cut my hair and feeling low would have been the golden ticket at Target today.  I couldn’t even muster up the energy to keep my chair upright.

This is only temporary.  My hair is short.  My hair will fall out.  I will feel good.  I will feel bad.  Temporarily.  I was hoping my hip aches would end yesterday, yet they continue on.  Those aren’t quite as temporary as I had hoped.

Today my friends cried with me when I shared with them that I was cutting my hair.  We cried, then we laughed at how ludicrous that is.  Ash even sent photos of me with various bad hair from the decades.  Temporarily horrid styles.

Overall Day 5 My hair is now short, thanks to my own choice, not chemo.  I’m anxiously awaiting the arrival of my girls, they have yet to see me today. “Bubba” (my dad-nickname given by McCanless) shaved his own head.  His own choice, much to my mother’s dismay.  Today is the first cool day of fall.  My neck feels it for the first time, ever.  My hips ache, my ribs ache. I have slight shortness of breath.  Little nausea. No nausea meds!  Advil for pain.  Short bursts of energy, followed by exhaustion.  Slowly coming to terms that my body is tired and needs to heal.  Quickly coming to terms that this is temporary.

5 Comments